"Feminine" Laughter: Part 2

            It is more than just the use of laughter that separates a man’s interactions with other men and a woman’s interactions with other women.  It is how the laughter arises from each situation.  Men tend to tell basic jokes or display their wit.  Ever been in the presence of a large group of men when one tells the first joke?  It never ends there.  After a polite chuckle from the others, a second member of the group will begin “Have you ever heard the one about the barber who…”  A third joke will follow, and then a forth, and so on.  Instead of laughing and enjoying each other’s jokes, it now has become a “joke-off,” a competition to see who has the funniest joke and will walk away as being thought the cleverest of the group.

            Conversely, women do not just tell jokes.  They tell stories.  Whether it ranges from the simple klutz moment of dropping all their books down the stairs that morning to the hilarious vacation they had with Uncle Joe four years ago, the laughter caused here comes from an actual event, not just a joke or sarcastic remark.  Either way, these stories are personal to the teller and in turn, to the receiver.  Perhaps this is why women laugh more, or are more likely to laugh in another woman’s presence.  Their laughter comes from a source that is meaningful to all parties involved and is much deeper than a bar joke.  Through these stories, women can share little tidbits about their lives to one another.  Even though laughter is not the start of the connection between two or three women, it is what allows that connection to grow.  If a woman were to not laugh at another’s embarrassing story, they most likely would not continue their acquaintance with one another.  It is laughter that allows them to feel comfortable and precedes the exchange of more inside information about their lives.  Again, men do not feel the need for laughter to be present when hanging out with their “best-bud.”  But girls, we cannot deny we need laughter.  In this I again repeat:  laughter is most decidedly feminine.  We let men use it, but only a woman, or more specifically a group of women, are able to use it to its full potential.

"Feminine" Laughter: Part 1

A thought just occurred to me as I was sitting in the library:  why did I choose to write about women and laughter, not men and laughter?  Yes, it may have something to do with the fact I am a woman, and will admit to being a very strong-headed, stubborn one at that.  But as I was looking over my blog posts, the one about the three girls in the cafeteria struck me as peculiar.  Not because it is unique, but because I have witnessed that exact episode replicated time and time again with three or more girls in multiple places across campus.  When there are several girls in close proximity, you can guarantee that laughter will be heard within three minutes of their conversation starting.  Even if they have never met before, the girls will undoubtedly giggle and laugh as the conversation progresses.

            For some reason, I have serious doubt if this would hold true for men.  If I put three men together right now, I will bet you a good ten or twenty minutes will pass before one of them releases as much as a chuckle, let alone a full blown laughter attack.  To them, laughter would seem a sign of weakness or incompetence.  They would not want to come off as being the lesser guy in the group, especially if they have never met before.  But for women, laughter is a bridge that can cross any boundary, including previous knowledge of the other.  I have shown how laughter works as a bonding mechanism.  This is even truer when women are the context of the situation.  A woman who is surrounded by other women and who does not laugh at all would appear stoic and unfriendly.  This is because there is something decidedly feminine about laughter.  Laughter is a necessary part of our interactions with one another.  I am pretty sure I have never had a conversation with one of my close friends in which there was not at least some chuckle or giggle expressed.  Even in a serious or sad conversation, we will cope with it through laughter.  Men, on the other hand, can go an entire day without laughing and probably not notice.  I will not say men do not need laughter in their lives. We all do.  But women employ laughter much more frequently and rely on it much more heavily than their opposing gender does.

Txting Laughter

So we are all attached to our phones nowadays.  As I was texting one of my guy friends and one of my girl friends, I began to notice a distinct difference in their texts, especially ones that were sarcastic.  The guy just said whatever was on his mind and left it at that.  Texts such as “That’s a dumb idea” were standard, and I did not take any offense to these remarks as I knew he was kidding.  On the other hand, when the girl would text me some sarcastic remark such as “I am always right,” it would always be followed by an “lol” or “haha.”  At times if she left it without a clarifying word, another text would quickly follow that would say “just kidding ;)” or “love ya.”

The common belief is that girls are just acting “girly” and the guys are being “tough.”  But what exactly is the function of a girl’s “laugh out loud” addition to the end of every sarcastic comment?  It may have something to do with the “girly,” definition, but not quite.  Instead, girls add a lol or a haha because they know how easily their feelings are hurt, so they do their best to avoid hurting another’s.  This goes against the previous idea that girls cannot be direct or that girls say things in roundabout manners, unlike guys who get right to the point and do not waste their time with extra nonsense words.  But to girls, these extra laughter remarks are not nonsense.  They are a sign of an individual who is acutely aware of another’s feelings.  Even if the only reason a girl adds that is to prevent her friend from getting mad at herself, she is still acting in a positive manner, attempting to prevent an argument from occurring.  When guys forgo a clarifying laughter symbol, it is not because they think the person on the receiving end is tough, but because they just do not think through all the ramifications their statement could have.

Girls are sometimes criticized for over-analyzing situations.  But many times, this is a much better attribute to have then being thick-skulled and never considering the implications of one’s actions.